Sheesh, so it's 12:10am, the night of Rhonda's due date and no action on that front. And so we wait...
It's been a year since I've written on this blog... and I'm not going to lie to you, I was just reading some of my old entries and getting a few chuckles out of recollecting some of the experiences that we've written about. As if it was a year ago that I was writing about this elusive grouper that I finally speared off our dock in the transparent aqua waters of the sunny Bahamas. How surreal does that sound right now? It didn't seem so in the moment but as I sit in our tiny basement apartment, think about getting up on Monday morning for another day at the office job, and am a year removed from that time and place, it definitely feels right now that it was simply a fairy tale reality. Or that it was a mistake to have left, at any rate. If you want the honest, no holds barred conviction, I am not entirely convinced it wasn't a mistake to leave our Bahamas life. We had it good. Really good. Like....the life that most people work for 50 years to attain kind of good.
And yet we left.
And went to Bolivia for 5 months. And got pregnant. And then moved back to Canada. And settled into a job as a research assistant for a workforce development board. And bought a house (moving in at end of June) And am sitting here, waiting to have this kid that, apparently, is going to change everything. All within the last year.
And yet I know it was for the best. Family. Friends. Life. These things have encroached in on me in the last few months and I welcome them. And particularly this newbie that's coming - I'm getting fairly excited about meeting him/her. In actuality, I think what I miss is not necessarily just the Bahamas but rather the ideal that it represented for Rhonda and I at that particular stage in the game. Life with no expectations and no obligations. We had freedom and opportunities for adventure and, I'm speaking only for me here, a greater zeal for life in general.
I don't want to settle. That word scares me. I'm glad Rhonda is on the same page as me with this. It's a pretty big subject, really, to have convictions on. I read some of your blogs and am envious at the lives you've chosen - to go against the quo and create your life. As one blog puts it in their subtitle, "making a life, not a living." So clever. I'm concerned and, dare say scared, that once you start down a certain road, it begins to carve out ahead for you, making it very predictable and therefore comfortable and therefore very enticing to follow and very hard to retract or choose another road. So you get a job that isn't particularly fulfilling but you need it 'cause you just bought a house and those payments aren't being made by themselves and then you start having kids and in order to provide for them you gotta keep working at this job and so life carries on and on and on and your road is becoming increasingly predictable to travel and so you just walk down it not out of a sense of calling or adventure or wonder but out of obligation and necessity and, even, guilt. It's part of being a provider for your family. It's part of playing your role in society. It's "the real world - get used to it." Call it whatever but it's a depressing reality most people can connect with and sadly are never going to challenge.
I want to challenge it. I can accept that this is where we are being led right now. And I can accept that we are here because of decisions we've made - no one else can be blamed for it. And I need to find contentment in the now. It's been our struggle as a couple since we got married 5 years ago - learning to find contentment right here, right now and resting in it. I need to accept that this is not a matter of circumstance but rather of perspective. And I need to let my anxiety about all this subside. I know that. But I want to challenge this from defining my life because I know right now that in 10 years if this is still me, I will be a deflated, hollow person.
So what does the alternative look like? That's the exciting part... the part of the road that hasn't been paved yet. I have no idea and I'm cool with that.
I'm writing this tonight because in as little as a few hours I will have a new person that I am 100% responsible for for at least the next 18-20 years and I realize that my idealism and naivete are very well going to take a hard blow. I gotta get it out now while these thoughts are still in the forefront of my mind and not being trumped by the smiles, screams and needs of this new person we're welcoming to our world.
At the end of the day, who am I kidding? My life - our life - is pretty dang good and I've got a heck of a lot to be grateful for.
So I was having a pretty typical day at school - chatting with Nik on Facebook, proctoring an exam, dealing with parents - pretty much the normal daily routine as of late. The day was hot and humid. It's starting to become summer so when all of you in Canada are saying, "Man, you guys have such a sweet life in the Bahamas" during the winter months, we're saying the same thing to all of you as we melt away in this unforgiving heat between now and Mid-October! Anyway, so I got home and decided I was going to do some snorkeling and maybe try to catch me this elusive grouper that has been evading my spear's end the last few times I've gone out to try (I'm not a very good spearsman... I can admit this). Robb and Mystique know well the desire I have for catching this fish. As soon as I get out there - and by "out there" I'm of course referring to about 20 ft in front of our house around these big boulders that act as a breakwater - I see this HUGE grouper (or so it seemed at the time) swim right behind me and down into some rocks. I spun around and peeked in the rocks and there he was, staring up at me. So I pulled my spear back and let it rip.... nailing it right behind the gill! So the spear is in the fish which is stuck in the rock and the spear is shaking like crazy and I'm trying to control it... and then the dumb fish gets off the spear and swims deeper under the rocks. Great. I spend the next 15-20 minutes trying to get at it - moving rocks, sticking my spear in the crevice, poking my hand in even and then SUDDENLY this moray eel comes out of the crevice and shows his teeth to me: So of course I'm a little freaked out at this point and I resort to just using my spear, enough with this hand reaching in nonsense of getting the grouper. Still, no avail so I give up...
As I'm whining to Rhonda and her friend Sam about the duel with the grouper and how in the end we both lose because he dies deep in some rock and I don't get to eat supper, Rhonda says, "Well, let's go try again!" - Always the optimist she is. Love it. So we get back in the water and start moving some of the bigger boulders together - all the while being very mindful of the moray eel - and then finally I spot the fish and we spend about 10 minutes trying to get it out. It is wedged in between some rocks and definitely stuck. But after some persistence from the three of us, I finally was able to pull it out! And in the end, Steven wins against the grouper. Also... the fish wasn't quite so large after we got it out, but oh well, we still got a few fillets out of it. Because Sam is leaving tomorrow, Rhonda cooked up one of the fillets for Sam to eat for dinner and it was delish. Here are a few pics from the big adventure: Me holding our little grouper friend. See that look? That's the look of a warrior... a warrior that means business.
I think Rhonda was more surprised than anyone that I was actually able to spear/catch this fish.
Rhonda fileting the grouper on the dock with Sam looking on
In our second to last installment of visitors to Abaco, we had the pleasure of hosting Robb and Mystique Blazey for a week. We had a good time with them - discussed the sites and sounds of Abaco and then let 'em go to explore on their own... while we slaved away at school ! I won't write much about it 'cause they are definitely into the blogging thing more than I am and so will certainly detail their trip to the full extent. However, last night we went out to Schooner's Bay and enjoyed a bonfire on the beach. Super fun times. In the course of the night, a guitar was whipped out, a penny whistle and before you knew it, half of 32 Convos was back in action! Here are a coupla' vids from the evening with them. Of course, they missed Dan Froese - who's absence was certainly felt - and the ol' drummers Aaron and Jamie, but despite their absence, the two sounded great and we had a great time reminiscing about years gone by. Also, the videos are almost black because we only had the light of the fire to illuminate. Unequalled:
Traipsing:
PS - I just finished this book and I think I like it more than Thousand Splendid Suns... it was amazing.
